Gambling Jokes

06 Feb 2009


A blonde was in Vegas vacationing with friends. She was standing in front of the candy machine and put two coins in, turned the knob and a candy bar fell out.

She picked up the candy bar and put it in her pocket, then she proceeded to put two more coins into the slot and turned the knob, again a candy bar fell out and she put it in her pocket.

She put two more coins into the machine and again turned the knob producing yet another candy bar.

A man was watching from a short distance away and walked up to her, he said "Excuse me Miss? What are you doing?"

She said, "Duh! I'm winning here!"


Buckshot was a compulsive gambler, and would bet on anything and everything; horses, dogs, football, baseball, basketball, snooker and even soccer games. When Buckshot was down to his last dollar, he went to his best friend and said "Roy, I need $1000, we have no food, I owe rent, the kids need jeans for school, and the wife won’t leave the house because we have bad checks at all the stores. Can you help me out?" So his best buddy gave him $2000 to get him ahead, but on one condition, that he does not use the money for gambling. Buckshot’s reply was "Oh, I have money put away for that."


"I want you to help me stop my son gambling," an anxious father said to his boy's principal. "I don't know where he gets it from but it's bet, bet, bet."

"Leave it to me," said the principal. A week later he phoned the boy's father. "I think I've cured him," he said.


"Well, I saw him looking at my beard and he said, 'I bet that's a false beard.'

'How much?' I said, and he said "$5 "

"What happened?" asked the father.

"Well, he tugged my beard, which is quite natural, and I made him give me $5. I'm sure that'll teach him a lesson."

"No, it won't," said the father. "He bet me $10 this morning that he'd pull your beard with your permission by the end of the week!"

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